Can I just say that it feels awesome that Kate and her teammates are taking a chance on me to act in their final film project. ALTHOUGH, I hope I don't screw it all up. I really want them to do well for this project because I know the message is something really close to Kate's heart, heck it's close to EVERYONE'S heart - anyone that has ever felt love and heartbreak and 'what-if' frustrations.
I know I definite relate to it. I hate that I do, but it's the truth.
Coming into this, I know I'm going to have to open up some still unhealed wounds about my own experiences with heart break so I can bring out the right emotions. I know it's going to hurt, especially during this time of the month when dreams, thoughts, feelings for and about you come back and bite me in the ass. I hate you for it. Yet I love you for it.
I hate myself even more for letting you be, making you, my what-if.
I'm hoping, though, that by taking up this role, it'll also help me heal somehow. Like I could imagine it's you I'm talking to and confessing how I really feel about you, both then and now. But in reality, that will never happen and that's the realistic truth about some relationships. It will always be a cliffhanger to a part of the story that is your life. The important thing to remember, however, is that it is a PART of your life, not your WHOLE life.
Funny how I can so easily say that. But when it comes to acting on it, not so successful.
I'll be trying. There's still much road left in my journey to recovery.
