PISS OFF

bruises visit me again. My heart. My hands.

Sunrise Comes Too Soon

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

Let It Rock - Kevin Rudolf ft Lil' Wayne
(Whenever I'm not caught in my emo spell that is. Haha)

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

One Heartbeat at a Time - Steve Curtis Chapman
(How appropriate is that (x )

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

On The Way Down - Ryan Cabrera
(Hmm not doesn't that tell you something about me)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Crank It Up - Ashley Tisdale
(I'm high today :D :D HARRY POTTTTEEEEERRR FTW!)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Hornz - 3OH!3
(Huuuh?)

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

Don't Phunk With My Heart - Black Eyed Peas
(I'd definitely have to agree with this)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
(I drive you guys crazy sometimes, but you still love me <3 )

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Hott - 3OH!3
(Now isn't that an interesting perception)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Story of the Girl - 3 Doors Down
(girl-girl action.... Naah not my thing)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

Wait For You - Elliot Yamin
(Sorry, math was never my strong suit)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

If No One Will Listen - Kelly Clarkson
(ILY!)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Starstrukk - 3OH!3
(Welcome to the life of Marcia (; )

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

American Sweethearts - Fall Out Boys
(YES YES! Everyone wants a piece of that luuurve)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Lets Take Our Time - Ryan Cabrera
(Mhmmm AMEN!)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Mercy - Glee Cast
(This would be "one of" but not THE song)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

 When You Believe - Mariah Carey & Whitney Housten
(I love this song. I would request for this to be my last song)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Seemingly Sleepy - Late Night Alumni
(sleep is the sex)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down
(I don't wanna die. At least, not yet)

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

You Alone - Planetshakers
(My little secret)

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

 It's My Life/Confessions - Glee Cast
(HAVE FUN and NOT CAAAAARE about them stressful assignments and stuff)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Long Shot - Kelly Clarkson
(Long term friends are hard to come by. I'll cherish mine dearly)

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Sunrise Comes Too Soon - Late Night Alumni
(And just like that, it's over. Kinda like everything else in our lives)

All in all, I think the answers are preeetty accurate actually :)

attraction

The LAW OF ATTRACTION

could very well be a very true and working thing.

And if so, I don't think it is bound by distance. And I'm talking about long distance; distance across oceans. Though I haven't gotten a change to truly test this theory. My recent experience could be a "mere puff" (that's a legal term for something that's over exaggerated).

When my mom was away in Barcelonaaaa, I was thinking of getting a leather jacket I'd seen in MNG quite some time back AND leather boots to go with. Just because I love those sorta things ;D I just wanted to wait for her return to discuss if it would be a good move to get them, with my own hard earned money of course.

Turns out. HEHEHE this is where it gets interesting :D :D Mom got me exactly those two things when she was on her trip. I totally love them! It's almost exactly what I would have chosen for myself.

Genuine Black biker-chick Leather Jacket

&

Hot Brown ankle-high Leather Boots

I'll post pictures of them when I'm not too lazy to get them. Hehe right now, I just wanna savor the moment.

Ciao.

It takes a cunning mind to tell a lie

but

inner strength to tell the truth.

tornado

I've always dreamed of being a world-changer.

Making an IMPACT.

I don't mean in a world renowned way like Jamie Oliver or Micheal Jackson.

To change someone's world is more than enough for me.

To know my knowledge, experiences, personality and actions can affect one to such a degree.

That would make life worth living for me.

Crazy as it sounds.

Now I'm wondering:

Was that too big a dream?

Though my dream remains the same, I find myself steering off course.

Away from the path that leads me to my goal.

Changing into a wilder, confused being.

With that, I fear I will fail and subsequently disappoint.

I've always fear that. Disappointment.

How did I get to this point?

What decisions lead me to who I am today?

It appears to me that I have made more wrongs than rights.

Is it too late for salvation? It just might be..

A knot at the pit of my stomach tells me so.

I'm in desperate need of a clean slate.

Though I know the dirt won't ever be all gone.

Tears fall.

Heart aches.

Isolated touch.

Hollow emotions.

Depressed thoughts.

Unedited words.

Emptiness.

Blank.

leap

I'm not ready for this again.

go away please....

Paradise

I finally know what that corner lot is!

And all thanks to the curiosity that is salsa clubbing x)

I must say it was certainly an experience. I'd probably go again but definitely have to work on them skills a bit more first. I realised though that I'm much, much more comfortable dancing with member from my own salsa class.

(Well DUUH Marcia, everyone's more comfortable with people they knoww =.=) Haha I crack myself up!

Now! To be more acquainted with the other kinda clubbing :D

I promise I will only do this once in a very blue moon.

For my own sanity and safety

(from my parents :O )

digressions

Alice in Wonderland > Johnny Depp > Literature > Leonardo DiCaprio > Romeo and Juliet > Inception > Blood Diamond > His AWESOMENESS!

Today marks the first, of hopefully many more, digression sessions during law class. More specifically, criminal law class. I sense Ms Kat has a lot of digressing potential in her xD

And while this is all good and well, it makes me really miss my Lit class in A-Levels with Ms Anne. Ah such good memories packed into that 11-people strong family for 1 and a half years. I mean, it's also because the digressions during Lit class wasn't just meaningless crap but life enriching knowledge, for the majority of the time.

So while I might be saying this too soon but I just don't feel that closeness I have with my A-Levels buddies with my law buddies. Though, keeping the optimist inside me alive, I'm still hopeful for a tight group hailing from the land of LAWWW ;)

healthy sickness

Did you know hospitals feed sick people ice-cream :O And here we all thought hospitals would provide the most nutritious food next to mom's, of course.

Haha but seriously, it's actually because ice-cream has a bunch of nutrients like calcium(milk&cream) and protein(eggs). The fact that it goes down easily helps too ;)

repetition

I just had a read through of all the posts I've put up on this blog lately and realise that I use the word

"HOPE"

in almost every one of them. Hmm weird...

Maybe my parents should have named me Hope instead xP

naaahhh I like my name waay too much x)

For the promise of tomorrow brings about hope.

Breathe Again - Sara Barellies

Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back

At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?

All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one

Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe

Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something

Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

I'll breathe again

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth

And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view

Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart

And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe

Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something

Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

It hurts to be here

I only wanted love from you

It hurts to be here

What am I gonna do?

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe

Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe

Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something

Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

I'll breathe again

a page of life

A few words and a song to sum up how I've been feeling lately about a matter that cuts close to the heart:

I'm not sure why but of late, my head's been filled with memories of the past; memories of him.

It's pretty frustrating because I'm happy for him for moving on.

But I do miss him, miss what we had. A lot.

Then I kick myself in the head for how subconsciously uncommitted I was to the relationship.

SO stupid to allow the past to greatly affect the future,

with such potential for happiness.

Basically, I have commitment and trust issues.

And what I need to do about it:

Pages of Life - Tyler Ward

Now this is over

Over between what you've wanted to be

Nothing can change now I'm ready to breathe

Time to Fly
Mark this one down in the pages of life
Say goodbye
Further and further away from the night

Child-like Faith

When exactly is it that we stop being kids?

And start the never ending spiral into the grown-up world,

full of responsibility and somewhat total lack of randomness.

When that day comes for me,

I hope to be nearing my end.

Here's to a life full of inspirational creativity, world altering thoughts, sufficiently mature responsibility and absolute RANDOMNESS (to keep the heart pumping and laugher levels sky high) !

There's always a little truth behind every 'joking',

A little knowledge behind every 'I don't know'

Good observation, no?

Too bad I didn't come up with it :P

Oh well, at least someone thought of it.

movies

A multitude of emotions. UP and DOWN.

A series of suicidal thoughts.

The endless doubt.

The invisible self-esteem.

One week later.

I'm finally seeing the potential brightness of the future. I admit, I'm still feeling a tad too emotional, but definitely better than I was and definitely away from the negative side. Most of which I must credit to the most random movie.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Isn't it somewhat magical the effect some movies have on you? I mean the scenes, the words, the music all in all giving you new inspiration; a hope that things will get a little better. Even though you know it's fictional and that there are many more factors to consider in the "real" world. Still, people associate with the plot they watch on the big screen.

Relevance? It has similarities to the situation(s) they're facing in their own lives.

Why? Because they want so much to believe that it is possible to overcome.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think in the history of movie making, there isn't a single one that leaves people discouraged after watching it. Sure there are movies that leave its audience unchanged emotionally, like those slap-stick humorous ones I.E. Austin Powers but never one that dampens ones spirits.

All people want (and need) is a little bit of HOPE.

not the end

. Ayesha . Weng Yee . Kaykay . Lucas . Kim . Anthea . Pammy.

I'm really going to miss this whole bunch...

We've come so far from just being classmates. To me, they've become an extension of my family. Each one adds their own unique edge to the group, enriching the "family".

But what do you expect! With this bunch, not a single day of the past year and a half has been boring. Lameness, sick jokes, out-of-this-world creativity, unparalleled wit and care all in, they've made my A-levels experience everything I hoped it could be and then some.

Being around them has helped me grow in different ways. All leading to make me more capable of standing on my own two feet. I just hope that I have made an equally significant difference in their lives as they have mine.

It's tough, not knowing if we're going to see each other again after everyone goes their own way even though we say we'll keep in touch. Because I know I won't meet the same kind of uniquely weird group of people in the next leg of my life.

I'll just have to hope. Hope for the best :)

Work that wall baby

What?

Maxim Wallcoverings

-The Art of Wall-

Easycook

Where?

1. Maybank Treats Fair

2. MF3

3. Perfect Living '10

Why?

1. For the fun of it. What else to do with so much time on your hands.

2. Of course, the mooolaah ;)

3. Different kind of work experience.

4. See the world from the other end of the looking glass (sales person to consumer).

How?

Out of all three exhibitions, I must say by far(!) the Maybank Treats Fair tops the lot. That event to be was real fun because there weren't any expectations set besides having to stand and look pretty. So the driving force to sell came from within, no external factors added :P Best of all is that I got to meet a bunch of new people, all great at what they do. First time wearing a Hanbok too. The research was fun, wearing it was a nice adventure too. But ONLY the first time. After that, it felt more like a chore.

MF3. SSSSIIIIGGGGHHHH.....

In a word, that's what the ordeal felt like for me.

Definitely the best looking display of our product among all exhibitions. But also the most frustratingly annoying. In every possible aspect. The management. The products. The consumers. And, probably the most frus point, the lack of communication. The situation greatly affected my performance. Of course, it was cause much to my own short comings i.e. low self-esteem, competitive spirit, over emotional personality... No doubt this was totally avoidable, as it's always a choice to let something affect you or not. In retrospect, it's good that I encountered this and reacted the way I did 'cause now I know how I should behave. Lesson noted.

This weekend's Perfect Living'10 exhibition takes a close second in the ranking. This time, I still wanted to prove myself, but it wasn't my main goal. I just went with the flow, letting the money take a backseat in my priorities. So that made things more fun. But this fun was repeatedly doused with showers of cold water. Serving the customers was my high time, especially some customers who were appreciative of getting to know the product, whether they ended up buying or not. The unavoidable interaction in between with the irritatingly-irritated one wasn't pleasant though. Practically everything I did was not satisfactory, and the constant brush-outs didn't help either. It got seriously annoying because I don't know WHAT it was that made me get this kind of treatment. Is it because I got another job? Or rather WHO i got the job from? Is it because there's someone more capable to dote on? Whatever it is, the most annoying part was the level of openness to the favouritism shown. Isn't moderation key, as they say?

What's next?

Well, given the recent exhibition, that depends on whether I'm still considered a valuable aset to the company. Only time with tell ey?

Note to self:

MUST BECOME MORE CONFIDENT. GROW A BACKBONE DAMMIT!

You're out

Strike 1 - You've put to rest my queries. Case closeD.

Strike 2 - You've laid my burdens to rest. My Calmness spreads.

Strike 3 - You've just poured it all down the drain. No Home run for me.

Just another chump stuck on the bench, hearing coach's naggy voice.

Baseball has never been my thing.

invisible pain

Today marks the end of my life as a college student. The end of a 'sheltered' education. The end of I'm-too-young-to-understand kinda bullshit excuse. So many things have been added to my bag of memories, experiences, knowledge over this one and a half years. But the bottom line is *very sadly* what it all boils down to. The much anticipated "parting gift". What's mine you wonder? BCD is my parting gift. Greaaaat. Honestly my feelings about it are the equivalent of my feelings prior today. Indifferent. Even for me, that felt kinda odd, to say the least, not feeling more than an ounce of panic about my so called 'future'. Nonetheless, this lack of emotion quickly shot into the feeling of failure. I didn't feel so much i failed myself because I did decently enough to still do to university. Yeah sure I felt I failed myself in hopes that I could prove (to myself mostly) that I was capable of entering a university in the UK had I taken up that option. Guess I'm just a nobody with no where to go after all. But the majority of my failure was occupied by the simple notion that I had failed my parents. Again. I failed them by not giving them something to be proud of. Something to boast about to their friends (sounds shallow, but every parent wishes to boast about their child's accomplishments). I failed in my hopes to help them financially but securing a scholarship. I don't give a damn about the 'glory' of receiving a scholar, just as long as it could lessen the burden particularly on mom's shoulders. I failed in providing a better mark for Martin to overcome, which I know he can do! And at this very moment, what's the salt to my open wound is the failure of proving to my parents that I am mature and fully capable of balancing academics and extra-curricular activities without compromising one or the other. Mayyybe I'm just not smart. Mayyybe I'm not a classroom/books person. Mayyybe I'm best at things that don't end up on paper. Whatever it is, doesn't matter. 'Cause it doesn't look like I have what it takes to handle both. In the eyes of the two I worry so much about disappointing, I can't seem to get anything worth mattering about right. What. A. Useless. Idiot.

I wish I was more like Choon Lim or Janice. I'm associating with particularly the two of them because we were in Student Council together, bound by the same responsibilities. Otherwise the I-wish-I-was-more-like list would go on far too long. Their ability to distinguish between tasks and not scramble at the last minute. Their level of maturity, both in though and action, always amazed me. How they have their heads firmly screwed on through the thickest of troubles while I looked like a headless chicken running all around town trying to sort out everything myself. And I do this regardless of how many capable hands I have at my disposal. My rational mind knows what all this equates to. A lack of trust. It's the root of all the problems I'm facing now. How did I get here? I don't seem to remember the point where I stopped trusting, stopped believing in those around me and the One above. Day after day, I find myself sinking deeper into this dark hole that I can't care to pull myself out off. I'm too ashamed to ask for help. "If I can't help myself, who am I to ask for someone else's hand?" That line runs over and over again in my mind.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I see this. I know it. But I fear I've lost the flame that believes in it.

My spirit now blindly gropes in the dark that is the future. Alone.

It is my body's prisoner. Until the bonds can be broken. And the burden lightened.

jealous

When is it that people feel the emotion called jealousy?

Why is it that they feel this emotion?

What causes this emotion?

These questions that have been running through my mind the past couple days. In conjunction with feeling this dreaded JEALOUSY. It's stupid because I know it's something I shouldn't have surface, particularly in this situation. But it keeps coming up. And it's blurring my judgement and destroying my objectives.

But forget that for a second. Lets bring some focus back into my life.

So I think that people actually come to "jealousy" through wanting to be the better of the lot.

What do I mean?

Well, you know how you see someone in the same situation as you, given equal circumstances, but they seem come out of it with better results than you. Or has an overall better attitude about it. You end up having a mixture of envy and a need to have what the other has. that "need" soon fills your mind. And all you end up thinking is "I want that. Why can't I have that?"

Yes, that's what I mean.

It's probably due to the whole 'champion' quality that we all have in us. You know what I'm talking about right? The whole best sperm gets to the egg thing. Yeah you catch my drift.

It's pretty childish and stupid really but everyone encounters this emotion. No matter how humble the person may appear to be in the outside. The ones who seem like they never get jealous, they're just very good at controlling their emotions and lying.

Then again this may be something that I came up with just to make myself feel better about the whole thing.

Go figure. Humans. Such complicated and strange creatures.

I'm pretty much turning into a biiiiish lah. Damn.

I will be the undoing of myself.

butterflies

Stomach. Inside. Flying. Butterflies.

You're doing this to me. And I don't know if I like it or not. Because the road is so misty where you are. I don't know what will happen if I take the step that leads me forward with no way back.

Scared?

Shitless.

"We'll see" is what you said. Yes, I will see. I hope for the best, whatever the outcome.

ohh shopping

I finally got a chance to go shopping :D

Ok yeah so I didn't buy anything. But that doesn't mean I didn't have fun.

Today was awesome!

Saw so many pweetty things that I want for myself :D:D

But before succumbing to the wants. I must satisfy my needs. And right now that's shoes for Grad Ball. I have a couple potentials at least.

Hope I have enough time to get it.

I caught Nanny McPhee with Weng Yee, Pam and Anthea too.

Movies with this bunch is always good, no matter the movie ;)

I have to say it is funny. But I can't say that it was better that the first Nanny McPhee movie.

Then again, most sequel firms aren't very good.

Good times aside, time to focus on Grad Ball. In 2 days.

Ahh so much to do, so little time.

hurt+pissed

I know, I know. Don't let 'em get to you. They're just crapping. They're jobless idiots. Blalala...

But seriously, it hurts. And I can't unknow what I know.

- Then hurt turned to pissed -

What surprises me is how shallow our generation is. Have we nothing more productive to do with our time? Must we gain gratification from the misery of others? It's stupid and selfish is what it is.

It pisses me off that there are people who care nothing for what kind of mark our generation has the potential to leave in this country. In this world. And on the next generation.
And if you don't give two hoots about the next generation, then be prepared to reap the fruits of your labor.

You know why most adults don't respect us? Don't trust us? It's because of this kind of behavior. Childish crap people pull.

Grow UP. Seriously. JUST GROW THE HECK UP!

Ok it's out. Now what's left for me to do is leave it in where it belongs.

In the dirt.

slow much

I just felt like looking back on the road that lead me to today. Was I THAT emo? Am I still?

I hear a-pondering a-comin'.