Sucks more!

Its just totally messed up way! I cant believe how bad this day's been. Im feeling worse than i felt yesterday.

This morning's little fiasco just spelt out the rest of the day for me. Like a sign..

Sharp words totally distroyed my emotional status, in turn, messed with my head. so thats pretty bad considering my state. Then the whole first half of school was dedicated to marching practice thing. The last half, painting the green house banners. That means i didnt step foot into class the whole day. I was in the room, painting with my new friend, Rifdi, up until the time i had to go for my event. Didnt really eat anything the whole day so you can imagine my energy level.

I literally sucked like no ones business today. Uber dissapointed with myself. I know i could have done better. I guess i wasnt focusing, which is the one thing i really didnt want to happen. Plus it was HOT! And NOW, i sound like im making excuses for myself as to why i didnt perform, or maybe iv just been feeling like crap the who day. Shit laa

Could this week get any worse? I sure hope not. I dont think i can take much more of this.

everything's wrong

It's about now that im feeling the punch. The body aches, black circles, bearly-open-eyes and what have you.

And what may you ask, is causing all this? Sports Day. Which is next tuesday.. So all the marching practices are going up a notch and events are underway. Still don't see whats wrong? Well, im in the long jump event, some running events and one of the seniors in marching.

You know, it'd be fine if it was spread out over about 3 weeks, but NO! it had to be cramped into slightly over a week. Its seriously taking a tol on me. mentally, physically and emotionally. I dont even have the energy to read, yes its a bad thing.

Whats freaking me out is that my long jump event is tomorrow. In my current state, im worried i wont do my best. Ok, maybe im over reacting. It being just a stupid sports thing. But hey, im really out there for my house. And i wanna do everything i can to help us win. Im just one of those kinda people who's... i cant find the right word right now.

So just pray for me please. That tomorrow wont be scorching hot, that i'll be properly energised to perform.

Thanks a bunch :) XOXO

Tarik Tali '08

Ok so today was uber awesome.

Zero teachers present today in my class at all. I mean none! So it was really fun just hanging out with dana, ely, siti and bashar in our very own chillax pad in class - the store room :P

Iv come to terms that I am officially a camwhorer. So we took a bunch of haute pictures today (I'll upload them soon), for like the whole half of school. Got hand it to Kye Shane, he did good today. Really nice.

So anywho, todays tarik tali match was like WOW! Im so proud of our green house guys. You did good, regardless of the outcome.

Green House current score: 1 - 1

We've still got tomorrow. I know you can do it!

Im in for a crazy week, so watch out! I cant be held accountable for my actions.

Love ya loads people!

Tiredness

Im a little too lazy to properly blog about anything today but i'll leave you with this:

hot. sweaty. tired. heavy breathing. soft sand. hot guy XP

I leave it to you to draw your own conclusion.

Let me know what it is too, if you please :P

Hari Muhibbah : with a kick!

Yes I know that was like 3/4 days ago but i didnt get a chance to fill all you diligent blog reader in on how it went. So, sorry..

This years' Hari Muhibbah was definately something totally different. Different contests, different performance and so on. But one things for such. It was really fun. Slightly nerve-wrecking but fun. I feel kinda bad for those who missed out on it..

So anyways, I got a chance to take part in the Mr and Miss Traditional "Fashion" contest, something i probably would have had the confidence to see myself doing a few years ago. But im glad i took part and now it doesnt matter if i do win or not. The experience was good enough for me :D

A whole bunch of my friends took part too. Elyza, Kok Siang, Alex, Soorah, Harri just to name a few. They all looked great and walked with so much confidence! Unfortunately I didnt do so well, at least i think. People said i was walking too fast, kept looking down. Guess modelling is out of the question for me :P thats okayy

I also got to know a little more about some people. It was fun, but super jacked up with lameness.

All in all, a good day. One i'll be remembering for quite sometime :D

I'll upload them pictures as soon as I can. Scouts honour! Haha

Till next time .XOXO

Happy Valentine's Day !! to everyone :D

Im so lucky to have friends who care about me. They're my REAL valentines this year.

Thanks you guys for the chocolates and sweets, it made my day!! and yes Thank You Dana for the flower :) I appreciate the gesture, as your friend.

Obstacles..

Sigh.. Tough times are what im facing now, in so many ways. Whats a girl to do?

This is what i get for wanting to help. Makes you wonder, "whats the point? Why help ANYONE!! This is the way they're gonna take it. Is it worth is??"

I can't help but think these things.. And i feel like giving up, seriously i do. My heart's hurting too much.. To know a friend has lost all faith in you, totally dissapointed with you. Should i just shut up and hope everything gets better on its own? Step up and do something about it?

Well the truth is, im scared. Really scared.. To lose a friend, to have let a friend down. I feel like crying everytime i think about it. How stupid i am. DAMN!! IM SO STUPID!!!! I wish i could just curl up and fade away, like i never existed..

That way, i cant hurt anyone anymore. Cant dissapoint anyone anymore. Cant angre anyone anymore.

Wouldnt that make everyones life a whole lot easier.

Yet.. Iv said it before. I only wanted to help. Thats who i am. Maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. Maybe i should have let you be. Or maybe, my words werent read with its subtext. My words, with all its good intentions, were taken the wrong way. Whatever it is, its too little too late now.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Iv been sick for the past week but im finally feeling better. Thank goodness. But now iv gotta catch up on 2 days worth of work and more. Crap.

Sigh.. tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

But you know what, i think this years 14th of February is gonna be different for me, in a good way. Im finally happy. I dont feel like i need to hide behind someone elses shaddow. Happy just to be know as an individual. Proud to know that i was made in HIS image. I dont have to hope for someone to be my valentine. I dont need one. God has always been my secret valentine :D I just never saw it.

In truth, i think Valentine's Day is so over-rated. Everyday is valentine's day. Everyday is a day people should tell the people they care about that they love them.

So..

To all the people in my life, in and out of Malaysia, (and yes, you guys who're reading this too)

I LOVE YOU BEYOND WORDS!

Good times and bad times. Thats what im facing. Well, i guess i'll just have to take the good with the bad. Thats life. Without the downs, you cant appreciate the ups.

It wouldnt be called life if everything was always peachy and feel-good, thats for sure.

To you couples out there, dont cramp how you feel about your special person into one when you should be doing it all year round :)

To the singles, dont worry be happy. You've got friends and family to spread the love. :)

God is our refuge and strength.

Psalms 46:1

XOXO From yours truly. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY <3

I'm Sorry...

I didnt know it'd end up like this.

I only wanted to help.

Whatever hurt or anger i've caused..

I am really sorry.

It's hurting me too,

to know i could have caused this

thinking i was helping..

Its just there,

in my head,

not going away..

Not until i know i'm forgiven.

Please...