Too tired for anything..
But just.. Now..
I actually can say I'm smiling
All because of the blessing faces and voices around me..
And especially in my heart :)
Unconsciously, it's made me wanna shine again.
I was already happy.
But now..
I feel happier than I have in a long time.
A happiness that was taken away to soon once.
Maybe its back again.
I'm gonna stay watch this time.
Take the time..
It's all about IQ and EQ baby :D
.

Can't get it off! The smile. Its addictive. Its contagious. Its FABULOUS!

Oh how i'v longed for its return.

It feels good. It feels right.

It feels now!

.

Or maybe a little later :P

Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you're frozen

.

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

And everyone's looking round

Thinking I'm going crazy

.

But I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they dont know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That i keep on closing

You cut me open and i

.

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

.

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their peircing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet i know that the goal

Is to keep me from falling

.

But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness

I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

.

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they dont know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

.

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

.

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

.

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

.

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

.

Read me like an open book

Good Friday!

" Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on account of the Son of Man. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to recieve as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked."

.

Luke 6:22, 32-35

.

He was wounded for our transgressions

and He was bruised for our iniquities.

Upon Him was the chastisement that made us whole.

.

How would you repay Him for all He's done?

Go Green House : Keep Your Friends Close, Your Enemies Closer!
Us Cuties Doing Our Thang
Soorah and I : Don't we look alike?
Elyza and I.. And Saiful's medal :P
Dopey and I : In all our goofyness

Get it! Dopey.. Goofy.. HAHAHA

The old becomes the new

Ah man.. Just when I thought this little stitch up was all done up and put away, it starts unravelling itself and becomes a slightly bigger hole.
Who knew I - ME, you know!!, could get in so much trouble over this.. Grrr!
Maybe its about time I brought in the seasoned reinforcements.
Tim!! I need your help!!
He's the only one I think is capable of giving me a solution to this sticky situation.

Who knew Id ask for this kinda help.

I don't really like you

- Skye Sweetnam

Good Luck All You '07 SMP-ers on your results TMR!

.

Know you've got it down!

Gambate :D

Happy Belated Sexy Birthday Sarah Babe!!

Sorry its a couple days late..

When'd you wanna celebrate!?!?

XOXO Babe :)

Happy Birthday Hanrick :D

Does anyone know how to install a chatbox!??! I dont know what Im doing!! Gahhh

In between it all

1.Yellow House

2.Blue House

3.Red House
4.Purple House

5.Green House

-

As dissapointing as it is to get last place after everyone's hardwork and time, again.. I guess its ok. I really am proud of everyone in it! They really gave their all. Saluts to Farzana for finishing your race, even though you were in alot of pain. You inspire me!! Thats what its all about. Never giving up.

-

Although I didnt get the medal I really wanted to get, and I really wanted it.. I just feel really blessed to be given the chance to run with everyone else during sports day. Mind you, its the first time I'v ran on sports day itself. I tried my best. We gave what we had. Thats all anyone can ask for really.

-

So now its over, my last sports day... *sob sob* Its time to put it behind me. Whatever the outcome, we did good. Everyone did.

-

Cheers to all Green House members! Keep your chin up, nothing to be ashamed of :D

Proud of You!! <3

Deep in thought

You know, Iv been thinking about a bunch of stuff that my little voice, in my head, has been saying. Stuff that i cant bring myself to say out loud. Why? Because it'll make matters worse. Give people the opportunity to hurt me or make fun of me.

-

I know I sound really insecure. But growing up in the situations Iv been in, insecurity is the smallest of my peoblems. Being the odd ball in primary, where everyone didn't wanna talk to you, thought you were weird, that kinda atmosphere can really mess up a kid. Namely me. I went through alot of emotional ups and downs during those years. From the normal, hyper-chatty kindy kid to the stupid primary to the bully to the uber shy one. I was so messed up, I didnt know who i was by the end of my primary school life.

-

So I decided to toughen up in secondary school. Start anew. But now that I think about it, my new start was the opposite of everything I wanted to be. All I can remember really being is angry. Angry at everyone and everything. I'd go to school literally with a black poker face everyday. Then the same people would repeatedly ask if I was ok and it'd annoy the hell out of me! Some days I just felt like punching everything till my knuckles bleed. Such, I had good days but in that particular year, the bad out numbered the good. Not a good start at all.

-

Form 2 and 3 were practically the same. Knowing what i did in form 1 wasnt what i wanted, I tried to change again. But the chance wasnt exactly for the better. I went back into my shy shell. Feeling detached from everyone, not belonging to any "group" at school. The only place I felt really comfortable in my own skin was in church. No doubt church is only once a week, but it was that along with its people that kept me together. Of course, I had my share of back sliding, but God never gave up on me. He always found a way to bring my focus back to Him. I think my biggest challenge was to go for the missions trip to raub alone, without any immediate family around. In those 3 days, I regained a little bit of myself. Speaking to me every second I was there, God really touched the depths of me.

-

Those 2 year also thought me alot about myself. How no matter what face I put up then, I was scared. Scared i'd me hurt again. That pain i felt was worse than any physical injury i'd gotten to that point. Solution? Run away. I decided to cut off my heart from all guys. Told myself I wouldnt like anyone at all. So now, 2 years down the road, I forgot what it feels like to really like someone. Thats my consequence for not facing my fears. Its kept me safe, yes, but am I losing more? There are somedays I miss the feeling. I dont know.. It really pains me when I think about it now. Cause no matter how hard I try, I cant remember the feeling.

-

On the other hand, Im finally happy with who I am. Proud of who God made me. Yes, I still feel self conscious but at least now Iv got some peace of mind. I guess the easiest words to use is that I feel accepted. Normal, like everyone else. But that doesn't mean I feel all hype 24-7.

-

In truth, lately Iv been feeling the lowest Iv been in the past 2 years. But I think thats something you're not prepared to hear. In the hidden spaces of my heart and my mind are secrets that are meant for the Almighty and me alone. Some may see it as ordinary and petty but to me, those secrets are what hurt me the most. Its the details that make the bigger picture, the unseen things that are most dangerous.

-

I'd rather be Anything but Ordinary.

Sucks more!

Its just totally messed up way! I cant believe how bad this day's been. Im feeling worse than i felt yesterday.

This morning's little fiasco just spelt out the rest of the day for me. Like a sign..

Sharp words totally distroyed my emotional status, in turn, messed with my head. so thats pretty bad considering my state. Then the whole first half of school was dedicated to marching practice thing. The last half, painting the green house banners. That means i didnt step foot into class the whole day. I was in the room, painting with my new friend, Rifdi, up until the time i had to go for my event. Didnt really eat anything the whole day so you can imagine my energy level.

I literally sucked like no ones business today. Uber dissapointed with myself. I know i could have done better. I guess i wasnt focusing, which is the one thing i really didnt want to happen. Plus it was HOT! And NOW, i sound like im making excuses for myself as to why i didnt perform, or maybe iv just been feeling like crap the who day. Shit laa

Could this week get any worse? I sure hope not. I dont think i can take much more of this.

everything's wrong

It's about now that im feeling the punch. The body aches, black circles, bearly-open-eyes and what have you.

And what may you ask, is causing all this? Sports Day. Which is next tuesday.. So all the marching practices are going up a notch and events are underway. Still don't see whats wrong? Well, im in the long jump event, some running events and one of the seniors in marching.

You know, it'd be fine if it was spread out over about 3 weeks, but NO! it had to be cramped into slightly over a week. Its seriously taking a tol on me. mentally, physically and emotionally. I dont even have the energy to read, yes its a bad thing.

Whats freaking me out is that my long jump event is tomorrow. In my current state, im worried i wont do my best. Ok, maybe im over reacting. It being just a stupid sports thing. But hey, im really out there for my house. And i wanna do everything i can to help us win. Im just one of those kinda people who's... i cant find the right word right now.

So just pray for me please. That tomorrow wont be scorching hot, that i'll be properly energised to perform.

Thanks a bunch :) XOXO

Tarik Tali '08

Ok so today was uber awesome.

Zero teachers present today in my class at all. I mean none! So it was really fun just hanging out with dana, ely, siti and bashar in our very own chillax pad in class - the store room :P

Iv come to terms that I am officially a camwhorer. So we took a bunch of haute pictures today (I'll upload them soon), for like the whole half of school. Got hand it to Kye Shane, he did good today. Really nice.

So anywho, todays tarik tali match was like WOW! Im so proud of our green house guys. You did good, regardless of the outcome.

Green House current score: 1 - 1

We've still got tomorrow. I know you can do it!

Im in for a crazy week, so watch out! I cant be held accountable for my actions.

Love ya loads people!

Tiredness

Im a little too lazy to properly blog about anything today but i'll leave you with this:

hot. sweaty. tired. heavy breathing. soft sand. hot guy XP

I leave it to you to draw your own conclusion.

Let me know what it is too, if you please :P

Hari Muhibbah : with a kick!

Yes I know that was like 3/4 days ago but i didnt get a chance to fill all you diligent blog reader in on how it went. So, sorry..

This years' Hari Muhibbah was definately something totally different. Different contests, different performance and so on. But one things for such. It was really fun. Slightly nerve-wrecking but fun. I feel kinda bad for those who missed out on it..

So anyways, I got a chance to take part in the Mr and Miss Traditional "Fashion" contest, something i probably would have had the confidence to see myself doing a few years ago. But im glad i took part and now it doesnt matter if i do win or not. The experience was good enough for me :D

A whole bunch of my friends took part too. Elyza, Kok Siang, Alex, Soorah, Harri just to name a few. They all looked great and walked with so much confidence! Unfortunately I didnt do so well, at least i think. People said i was walking too fast, kept looking down. Guess modelling is out of the question for me :P thats okayy

I also got to know a little more about some people. It was fun, but super jacked up with lameness.

All in all, a good day. One i'll be remembering for quite sometime :D

I'll upload them pictures as soon as I can. Scouts honour! Haha

Till next time .XOXO

Happy Valentine's Day !! to everyone :D

Im so lucky to have friends who care about me. They're my REAL valentines this year.

Thanks you guys for the chocolates and sweets, it made my day!! and yes Thank You Dana for the flower :) I appreciate the gesture, as your friend.

Obstacles..

Sigh.. Tough times are what im facing now, in so many ways. Whats a girl to do?

This is what i get for wanting to help. Makes you wonder, "whats the point? Why help ANYONE!! This is the way they're gonna take it. Is it worth is??"

I can't help but think these things.. And i feel like giving up, seriously i do. My heart's hurting too much.. To know a friend has lost all faith in you, totally dissapointed with you. Should i just shut up and hope everything gets better on its own? Step up and do something about it?

Well the truth is, im scared. Really scared.. To lose a friend, to have let a friend down. I feel like crying everytime i think about it. How stupid i am. DAMN!! IM SO STUPID!!!! I wish i could just curl up and fade away, like i never existed..

That way, i cant hurt anyone anymore. Cant dissapoint anyone anymore. Cant angre anyone anymore.

Wouldnt that make everyones life a whole lot easier.

Yet.. Iv said it before. I only wanted to help. Thats who i am. Maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. Maybe i should have let you be. Or maybe, my words werent read with its subtext. My words, with all its good intentions, were taken the wrong way. Whatever it is, its too little too late now.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Iv been sick for the past week but im finally feeling better. Thank goodness. But now iv gotta catch up on 2 days worth of work and more. Crap.

Sigh.. tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

But you know what, i think this years 14th of February is gonna be different for me, in a good way. Im finally happy. I dont feel like i need to hide behind someone elses shaddow. Happy just to be know as an individual. Proud to know that i was made in HIS image. I dont have to hope for someone to be my valentine. I dont need one. God has always been my secret valentine :D I just never saw it.

In truth, i think Valentine's Day is so over-rated. Everyday is valentine's day. Everyday is a day people should tell the people they care about that they love them.

So..

To all the people in my life, in and out of Malaysia, (and yes, you guys who're reading this too)

I LOVE YOU BEYOND WORDS!

Good times and bad times. Thats what im facing. Well, i guess i'll just have to take the good with the bad. Thats life. Without the downs, you cant appreciate the ups.

It wouldnt be called life if everything was always peachy and feel-good, thats for sure.

To you couples out there, dont cramp how you feel about your special person into one when you should be doing it all year round :)

To the singles, dont worry be happy. You've got friends and family to spread the love. :)

God is our refuge and strength.

Psalms 46:1

XOXO From yours truly. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY <3

I'm Sorry...

I didnt know it'd end up like this.

I only wanted to help.

Whatever hurt or anger i've caused..

I am really sorry.

It's hurting me too,

to know i could have caused this

thinking i was helping..

Its just there,

in my head,

not going away..

Not until i know i'm forgiven.

Please...

Goodbye to you..

So there i was sitting in the living room, nice and comfy, when it suddenly came on the screen(tv)..

Heath Ledger is DEAD....

NOOOOOOOO....... *sob sob sob*

you will be dearly missed :(

RIP.

Cell Outin'

Last saturdays cell gathering was awesome!

Thanks so much to Shealin for opening up your home to us troublemakers :P

Hope it wasn't too much trouble.

So anyways, it was supposed to be a pot-luck thing.. but guys being guys, they brought nothing but "man power" to the table. Which wasnt actually needed cause there wasnt any heavy lifting! Well except for choon yong. At least he brought the jelly cake- which i didnt get to eat *sadnessess*. So yeah, i contributed shephard's pie (i made it myself) hehe. I was quite happy with it, could have been better but good enough. Pizza!! There was lots of pizza too.

I had alot of fun! Truly a time of bonding. We talked, watched a movie but i wasnt paying attention to it, took a bunch of pictures, laughed, ate, drive about although i didnt and probably some other stuff too. OH YEAH!!! I am sad( and slightly grossed out) to say that we tortured and killed a snail. Graphic pictures will be posted soon. And hopefully a video.

I like the part were wai kin, the recently turned 17 guy, drive like a round the park in front of shealin's house. he NEARLY hit a car TWICE, didnt look while making a turn and not to mention accelerated while jon was on the hood of pei ling's car. I repeat ON THE HOOD OF PEI LING'S CAR!!! Now that was scary. Scary but funny, after we got out of the car.

Most of the guys went on to play basketball with a couple of residents. I, not understanding why Nick was still playing with a twisted ankle, sat with rachel and mel pretending to cheer for which ever side scored. Lameness, i know. I gotta admit Ron and Darren are quite good. This coming for someone who rarely pays attention to this kinda sport. This was also the first time i met Ron. Mei San if you're reading this. I think you two are so cute!!

Moving on to a slightly more serious part of the day, I got scolded pretty bad by my dad over the phone when Shealin, Mel, Shou Yi, Nick and I were at Mcd's buying dinner for everyone. I was seriously scared.. But thankfully for Shou Yi and Mel, they calmed me down. But still, when i got home that night, i was like walking into a shooting practice where my parents were the guns and i was the potato sack they used for target practice, hypothetically speaking.

Rewinding to when i was still at shealin's place, the last hour or so I spent there, i think was what it was all about, thats the purpose of a gathering, a time where you get to know people without all the distractions and what not. Im really glad i stayed and probably wouldnt have missed it even if i was gonna get into more trouble.. Thats saying alot, you know.

I mean, i got to know alot about these friends that i had no idea about. They got to know a part of me too but after hearing their story, mine didnt feel so significant afterall. But it was a tough battle happening within me which i had to deal with on my own.

All friends can do is give advise and thats it. But thats not all i can do for this friend. I can be there for him, to listen to him if he's got anything weighing him down. But i think what he needs is to voice his real feelings towards the people that matter in his life. Then together they can overcome. And with such a great presence of God amongst them, I know they can pull through.

If you're reading this, i hope you know who you are, Im here for ya and so is everyone else. Dont keep it in :)

Marcia<3

Love is all around is, Just enbrace it already! :D

Marcus doing what he does
At the airport: marcus and i
Goodbye Kl, Hello Thailand
Just arrived, Sea Game were happening
The 3 M's

I was feeling jobless. Anyways, these are the early pictures from our thailand trip. Grr friendster isnt letting me upload my pictures so i'll just have to post it here :) I tell you, we were so happy to be going out of the country for a change, even if its just Thailand. The Thailand International Airpost is really beautiful. Better than KLIA. Unfortunately..

In a nutshell, it was Great! People were uber friendly, unlike some Malaysians.. Food was unique but kinda bland without the addition of chili and stuff. Shopping there was the BOMB!! I tell you, i think i brought back more shirts than i originally took. Hehe I got my bikini :P but i regret not getting this really pretty handbag I saw. My dad'll probably say the opposite; "You already have so many bags. You dont dont need another one,". So yeah.

From that experience, I would most definately wanna go back to Thailand again.

Till next time :)

P/s: The foot massages over there are to Die for. Not a service you can find here. Well, not as good anyway.

New and... New :P

Its alive.. ALIVE I TELL YOU!!!

My blog is finally coming alive again. Hahaha!! I shall promise to update my blog as often as my schedule permits me. But it must be understood that its an important year for alot of us and there are only 24 hours in a day. If i could do more, I would. Believe it :)

Marcia <3's>